Are You Too Picky in Looking for a Partner?

Being in relationships with others is the quickest way for soul progression on the planet. Relationships are difficult, challenging and messy.

Many of us may be called picky when it comes to finding a partner. I think at the core, the most important aspect to finding a compatible partner is based on each individuals soul maturity or perspective.

There are people who use a host of excuses to keep themselves free from having intimate experiences with other people. For example, they may focus too much on the negative aspects of another to create distance. These negative aspects may even exist only in the mind of the one fearing intimacy. For the non-introspective or mildly introspective (spiritually young and mid range perspectives), their perceptions will be off to a large degree when it comes to people and the world. They often tend to focus on their own negative aspects fairly strongly, whether perceived or real. This creates a feeling of not being good enough which also creates distance. This is ego fear based behavior and is a sign of spiritual immaturity. A more spiritually advanced individual may also deal with these issues, but on a much smaller scale and is able to see it and adjust quickly.

As we mature spiritually we are less afraid of everything, life, death and intimacy. Personal power and worldly awareness, which a more spiritually advanced individual naturally has, gives them a highly functioning internal compass. They know who they are and where they want to be emotionally. They also have a very strong understanding of others and the prevalent fear of intimacy in mankind. For the old soul intimacy is not something to run from but something that should be pursued. They have great ability to see when they fall prey to fear and have the strength and mastery to adjust quickly so this does not affect their relationships too negatively. The older soul finds intimacy exciting and fun much more than they fear it. They see that it takes work and focus, but the innate quality of an old souls perspective thrives on intimacy. They know that this is what life is about, emotional connection. The individual that is high vibratory does not question the purpose of their life.

The more mature or older soul is always more discerning when looking for a partner.

It is an extremely rare occasion where you would see a high vibratory individual staying with a romantic partner for a long period of time who is full of drama, exhibits mental illness, has apparent addictions or frequent self-loathing. Quickly, the old soul becomes bored with these types of issues as they impede intimacy. They really have been there and done that in previous lives. It’s not fun or exciting or even close to interesting for them. Because most people do not sit in this more mature perspective, the older soul will often be misjudged as “too picky” or even arrogant.

Most individuals have problems with intimacy and thus are willing to spend or “waste” time with others who do as well. This is safer and initially seems easier. Although, at any level of spiritual advancement, if two people are within close range of one another, the relationship will be productive for both. But at the same time, depending on the level of fear in each person, which at less aware stages will be higher, most relationships will have unnecessary issues that come about from confusion and fear, which will likely destroy the union. This is the reason for the many problems in relationships. People are too far apart in maturity range, or if they are compatible at a soul age level, they let fear rule their lives rather than letting their hearts lead. This is Earth school and it’s not easy even for the old souls. They do not have the high levels of fear, but they do have their own lessons to learn in interacting with others who do. They have a different sort of loneliness that is not self-imposed. The planet is also energetically intense right now. Ego and heart and becoming more intense, which also affects all human and non-human relationships.

The older soul, like most people, may question themselves at times. Living in a world where most people are not at a high vibratory level makes it difficult for the old soul to find kindred spirits, even as friends. And because they want to learn and grow, they will often question themselves and their own motives. They are extremely introspective. Don’t confuse this with overthinking and worrying which is ego and fear based. The older soul will truly question their “pickiness” and where it’s coming from. A younger or mid range soul is more apt to be proud of their pickiness. They see themselves as better than, which only shows that there is always someone better or less than them in their ego driven perspective. In essence the younger soul ages don’t trust or know themselves very well and this creates fear of basically everything and anything depending on the personality.

Old souls do trust themselves. They know that they are good people and that they have a constant connection to the higher vibratory perspective. They’ve grown past certain ways of seeing, thinking and behaving that others have not. It’s a bit like they’ve crossed over the bridge never to return, unlike the other soul ages, most of whom haven’t seen the other side of the bridge yet. This trust and knowing themselves is the major difference in older souls perspective. The mature soul is still struggling with true self love, but the old soul is not. This does bring more happiness. It also brings more responsibility and compassion. But these qualities are often blended with a sadness for the state of the world and the human condition. For most old souls, they have also had difficulty throughout their lives dealing with loneliness and sadness, stemming from the desire for deep connection. It’s difficult for them to find meaningful relationships at the high levels of which they are capable.

Old souls are more skilled in seeing all that is, and the interconnectedness in life. They are big picture people. They want their partner to do well and to strive and revel in self-growth. They want only to give and to have love and support within a relationship. They do not compete with their partner. To the younger ages the picture is much smaller. They often take for themselves what they can get from others, the earth and from life, often causing damage all around them consciously and unconsciously. This is because they do not trust, know and truly love themselves. Because of this gap in understanding, they do not know how to have an intimate relationship with themselves, life or others. If one does not understand intimacy and how to live a healthy existence, naturally their relationships, in practical terms, will be of a very different quality from those who do.

The older souls have a much smaller range in the population to choose from as far as compatibility. Because most people are not in this range, the old soul will generally be dealing with souls that are in a younger perspective than them in almost all of their relationships. If they are lucky to find a compatible individual in other ways who is also very close to their perspective, they won’t have as many relationship problems as most people. It is the younger soul and midrange souls that create problems that are meant to put distance between themselves and others. Much of this can be unconscious. They may see it as being “picky” and discerning but these are ego excuses and justifications used to mask fear. Most individuals will not be in alignment with the older soul and the higher vibratory individual can see this pretty quickly, often within seconds, especially as they mature in life. They just know.

If they do stick it out longer than is in everyones best interest, this is usually because they have become confused by spending too much time around someone who is confused. Often this individual is someone the old soul has known in past lives and so there is a comfort level at the start. This is why it’s so important for these individuals to be picky. No one is perfect, and it is possible for the older soul to want to dumb themselves down for a period of time in trying to get along with a lower energy because they so badly want to have a connection. Being that older souls know they will probably always be dealing with other peoples issues more than those people have to deal with theirs, it is difficult to know when to draw the line between what they will accept or not accept. The old soul doesn’t have much emotional baggage if any, nor are they apt to create much karma. This clarity helps them make good decisions in life and so they rarely if ever stay where they don’t belong for long periods of time. Old souls do have very good judgement. To many, their exit may look like pickiness but the old soul never makes flighty decisions. They are also able to see things beyond what others are able to see. They don’t begin relationships with individuals who, to others may look like a good match for them, but who they can see is not a high vibratory person. They can often tell what spiritual range people tend to sit in very accurately and quickly. Once they decide on someone who is within their range of possibility, it may take them a few months of spending time with the person to see the incompatibility. This is why the old soul may seem picky from an outside perspective. But what it really is, is just incompatibility at a deep level, and a knowing of this fact without being able to explain to others how any why they came to that decision.

It is extremely important that the older soul sets a time limit for themselves in relationships where they see patterns of soul incompatibility. If they do not do this they WILL end up wasting their time and skills on a person that is not at their level. This can only bring sadness and pain to everyone involved. When the old soul sees that the other is not working hard enough to grow and improve themselves, the best decision is to get out as soon as they see this becoming a pattern. Wasting their own skill is not heartful and creates resentment for both parties. The older soul “sees” all of this. They understand that their partner struggles with ego and fear. This is the difference with the older perspectives “pickiness”. They see and make decisions based on heart but also on clarity and practical understanding. They are in the area of understanding where Jesus taught, “They know not what they do”. Younger and midrange souls are often oblivious to their fears and justify them with countless negative mental constructs, belief systems and excuses. This is the difference between young, mature and old perspectives. The perspective gains more clarity as one ages spiritually.

The older soul knows that they are not really “picky”. They have the strength to handle intimacy and do not create issues that make problems relationships. Their behavior is usually kind and thoughtful. They are open and giving of themselves in a relationship. They are not afraid to say, Im sorry or to admit when they are wrong. They give their partners freedom to be who they are and are able to accept the negatives if the other is trying to be compatible and to grow. If the other person exhibits behavior that is overly critical, self-destructive, or even behavior that is in alignment with mental illness, the old soul will quickly be miserable in an intimate relationship with them. Because most of the population does not have the perspective of the old soul, they do not see things as clearly, are not as heartful and do not have as strong of a sense of self and so can tolerate bad behavior more easily. The older soul is more skilled in intimacy and they can see when the other is placing walls between them or behaving in ways to manage intimacy. This becomes disappointing and boring over time for the more spiritually advanced partner. Also, the partner that is less evolved spiritually may have a sense that they are always trying to “keep up” with the older partner. This is also not going to be a comfortable feeling for the struggling partner to have.

Older souls may also exhibit a small amount of fear in a relationship. When they do find someone within the range of possibility, they give their whole hearts and are more aware if their own fear seeps in. They do not make excuses for it to hide, but they use it as an opportunity for growth. Old souls are forgiving, but also wise and strong enough to give themselves entirely knowing they may get hurt. They have the deeper knowledge that no one can really hurt them at their core. Their fear is very low. They have a larger knowing that life is a school and it’s function is to teach us how to be more skillful and heartful. Because old souls do not live fearing intimacy, they give of themselves continually and are in touch with source more often. The benefit to them is this causes them to feel more deeply than others. When they do get hurt the feelings are stronger. But luckily for them, they are also more resilient and will heal and grow more quickly from the experience. Older souls have the highest levels of personal power, are extremely tough minded and skillful. Because of these qualities they really don’t fear a broken heart, vulnerability, or being “seen”, like other soul perspectives do within their relationships. One of their mottos is, when true love is given, there is never anything lost.

So because of how they are wired, the older soul can not be anything but picky and discerning when it comes to who they choose to use their skills of intimacy with. They’ve worked hard to get where they are. They are not capable of being bored for too long in the area of intimacy. This is what drives them. It’s what gives their life meaning. If there is no way for true intimacy to bloom with another, whether because the maturity levels are too far apart, or the other individual who is within range is not working hard enough to grow, or there is too much fear in them, the old soul exits for good reason. And when they leave it is always well thought out and done in the name of love for self and the other.